I really wanted to write this post when my emotions were raw on the train from London in Paris but I was so tired and emotional that I didn’t want to write just out of pure emotion and heartbreak. Although I’m still feeling pretty heartbroken at the moment. I guess it hasn’t been that long.

Chris and I met up in London on Friday evening. I got there a couple hours before him as he had to work but I just waited at a nearby cafe. When I knew he was close, I walked to our Airbnb and waited outside for him. I was nervous to see him again. It had only been a month but I feel like so much has happened in that month and I changed so much as a person as well. I didn’t know how we were going to feel seeing each other again. This time I was in his country. I was looking forward to exploring England the British way.

Watching him walk around the corner smiling was the best feeling in the world. I couldn’t wait to be in his arms again. We hugged and kissed in greeting and I was over the moon. Everything felt great. We were able to immediately pick up where we left off as if we were never apart in the first place. We made our way up to our Airbnb room and the owner was the nicest lady. The Airbnb was adorable. We had a tropical room which I loved. The owner left out cute little snacks and was just very thoughtful. We also had a great view which I was pretty obsessed with. We got unpacked and just enjoyed each other’s company again. It was so nice to be with him in person. It felt like it had been ages but also just yesterday all at the same time.

I never expected London to feel so small. Not the city itself- with it’s endless bridges, pubs, tubes, and late-night buses, but the way the world seemed to shrink down to just the two of us. We quickly slipped into a rhythm that felt both natural and urgent, like we had to squeeze a lifetime into a weekend.

After some time catching up, we set out to go exploring. We had tickets to a Chelsea football game for Saturday and we both wanted a jersey for the game so we took a train down to the stadium to get one. By the time we arrived, they were already closed and the store nearby didn’t carry the one we wanted. So we went to Wetherspoons for drinks and dinner instead. Wetherspoons is all over the UK and is very popular by the locals. It’s always a food/drink establishment that is an old, unique, beautiful building. They’re massive. We had great chats over dinner and drinks. I was happy to see Chris still had our pictures from the photobooth we took in Florence together. We then took the train back to our Airbnb area and picked up some drinks to have a movie night in our room. We wanted to sleep at a decent time because of the game the next day. We spent the evening watching football chants, how the under-the-ocean channel tunnel from England to France was built, and other random videos. We shared a few drinks together from a bottle of liquor I got in Germany at a winery they made locally and a fun one Chris had had as well. We eventually got some sleep. It was incredible to sleep in a real bed again, enjoy a real towel, a real shower, a bathrobe, and privacy. I was thrilled with being able to snuggle again as well and wake up in the night knowing Chris was holding me. I was one happy girl.

The next morning we woke up and enjoyed some time together in each other’s company. We then set off to grab a train to the Chelsea stadium where we went to the shop on site to buy some jerseys. I had never been to a soccer game in real life before or even watched a full one on TV before I met Chris, so I was really excited about it. It’s always fun when you like someone and you take on their interests as well so you can bond over it. We got a couple pre-game pints and the atmosphere was so fun. Everyone was just there excited to watch football. We find our seats and the game started. I already loved it. The energy in the stadium was incredible. We sat through the game and had so much fun even though Chelsea lost by two points.

I let Chris grieve the loss and we walked to a nearby fan pub. At the pub, we met this man named Doug. Doug was in his 50’s and traveling alone as well. He’s from Norway and just came down to London for the weekend to watch the football game. Doug’s never been married before or been in a long term relationship. We spoke for a really long time. It was really nice getting to pick his brain about it and see his views on life. He was a really incredible man and I hope one day he will be open to someone special coming into his life if that’s something he wants.

After the pub, we found a “chippy” to go somewhere for proper English fish ‘n chips. It was some of the best I’ve had in my life. The fish was crispy and incredible. I want that again right now even just thinking about it. We then headed back to our Airbnb. We grabbed some ciders from the nearby grocery store and settled into our room. We were deciding if we were going to go out or not. It was a Saturday night after all. The last thing I remember is deciding that we weren’t going out, we were just going to stay in and enjoy a few drinks inside. Next thing you know, it’s multiple hours later and we are both asleep with all of our clothes on, on top of the blankets, and the lights on. I don’t even know how we both fell asleep at the same time like that. I woke up around 1 am and woke Chris up and had him get ready for bed as well.

We woke up really early the next morning since we had fallen asleep so early the night prior. After a few hours, we got up and got ready for the day. We set out and explored London. We had a proper English breakfast for my first time and it was really good! Pretty similar to American breakfast. We explored a lot of places I had already been when I was there a couple months ago, but I was happy to see them again. I will never get enough of Big Ben or London itself. Of course we found a nearby pub to watch a football game. I was happy to do so. I also tried a bloody mary which I was hesitant about because no one makes them like Wisconsin does. I will have to say, it was surprisingly good. No Wisco bloody, but it would do. After dark, we took a train back down to Big Ben and the London eye. They’re always my most favorite lit up. I can’t get enough of those views. I just get so excited to be there. We stopped at the London Eye so I could just sit and stare at all. My phone died and I really wanted to Facetime my mom so Chris called her on his phone. We chatted with her and showed her the views. He was kissing my forehead while we were talking to my mom and talking in his cute lil English accent and I was obsessed and I know she was too. We then made one last stop at Big Ben so I could see my favorite man lit up in the night again. We kissed and kissed and kissed under Big Ben. How lucky am I to say I’m kissing this handsome English man under Big Ben that I met in Rome last month??? My heart is happy.

We catch the tube back to our Airbnb area. It was really late at this point, maybe like 2 am and we were really hungry as all we’d had is breakfast up until this point. Everywhere seemed to be closed but we found a pizza shop sort of nearby, got our pizza, and walked back to the Airbnb where we enjoyed our pizza, some ciders, and talking. We were so sad it was our last night together. I hate when you’re living in a moment thinking about when it’s going to end. I never wanted our time together to end. I knew the next morning was going to be heartbreaking and I wasn’t ready for it.

We spent the weekend tangled up in each other, sharing stories, watching football, and Chris showing me around England like a local. We grew closer every hour, in the kind of way that makes you forget how little time you actually have.

Our time together was intimate, raw, and real. I didn’t expect to like him this much, to feel the pull so strongly after such a short amount of time together. As our weekend came to an end, I realized I wasn’t just leaving London behind, I was leaving a piece of myself with him.

We woke in the morning and shared our last intimate moments. I didn’t know when I was going to see this man again and that was the worst part of it all. Actually, I wasn’t sure that I’d ever see him again. How could this possibly work? We live a world away. We packed up and walked near the train station together. We were going separate ways so found a middle ground and shared our goodbyes. Chris’ train was before mine and we were already pushing time. After lots of hugs and kisses later, I was once again watching him and his backpack walk away. He kept looking back and blowing kisses. I was a mess at this point and thankful for sunglasses to try to cover the tears that I couldn’t help from running down my face. I was heartbroken all over again. I watched him until I couldn’t see anymore. I found my train station and headed that way, crying through the streets of my favorite city in the world. That was one tough goodbye. I am pretty sick of all the goodbyes at this point. I love to grow love and appreciation for these people from all over the world but the goodbyes are always hurtful.

I made it to the international train station in London at St Pancreas, did my baggage and passport checks, and found a spot to sit to wait for my train to Paris. I had some time to waste and I was heartbroken so I Facetimed with my mom. She always makes everything better. Chris told me he had missed his train, was just a little too late, so he had to catch the next one. We shared our goodbyes for a bit too long I guess.

I arrived in Paris around 7 pm and didn’t make it to my new hostel until a little after 8. While leaving the train station, I couldn’t get through the security scanner quick enough and it completely shut on me with my bags on me. Like it was squeezing so tight and wouldn’t let me move or go. I had multiple people coming up to me and trying to jar open the security doors and it wouldn’t budge until I had about 6-7 men on each side of the doors pulling them open and yelling at me in French to push forward. Were they kidding? I had at least 70 lbs on my back and they want me to run forward like an insane person. Anyways, it worked, I broke free, and then I died from embarrassment.

I caught a bus and make it to my hostel. This hostel is different than any I’ve stayed in before. It’s completely a regular hotel with a couple of hostel dorms on one of the floors. So not a social place at all like typical hostels, but I was okay with that. I was staying in an all female dorm room and it was my first time doing that. Usually they’re more expensive so I always just stay in the mixed dorms. I really enjoyed it and hope I get the chance to do it more often. It just feels better, more comfortable. We can just be ourselves and change and talk about whatever we want. I was really tired from the travel day but took a walk up to the rooftop terrace of my hostel where they also have a restaurant. I wanted to see the Eiffel Tower sooo bad. There she was. She was beautiful. Astonishing. Nothing like pictures and videos I see online. She was everything.

I woke up the next morning, got ready, and headed out to explore. I took a bus downtown to the Louvre. The Louvre was closed until Wednesday due to Paris fashion week which I had no idea was going on. I just so happened to stumble upon a HUGE crowd at the Louvre, yelling and screaming and chanting. There were multiple black vehicles parked outside and the models of the fashion show were getting out in their outfits. I stayed and watched them for a while. They’re all so beautiful and wore the such incredible clothing. I didn’t know who anyone was but it was still fun to watch.

I kept walking on my journey. I found a little boulangerie I wanted to go to and was on my way there when I saw a full on fight in the street between a lady and a security guard. They were yelling at screaming and he was pushing her against the wall. Next thing you know it’s four security guards vs this one woman. Everyone stopped to video tape and watch. I kept walking. I did not like that at all. I got to the boulangerie and got a coffee and sat outside for awhile to people watch while I drank it. I kept moving forward, stopping at all the sites. I crossed bridges and walked into parks and visited all the major touristy sites. I was walking through one of the parks, found a coffee stand, bought another coffee, and sat on the park bench. I was sitting on the bench, enjoying my coffee and people watching when a man approached me, smiled, and started a conversation. He introduced himself as Rabah. He’s lived in Paris for the last 16 years. He asked if he could sit next to me and I agreed to it. We talked about family and how he was from Arabia originally. All of his family was still there but he has found a life in Paris. He spoke good English. He showed me a photo of his niece standing next to an overweight child and told me that he tells his niece to be careful what she eats otherwise she will end up fat like that kid. He was kind and easy to converse with though so when he asked me for my number I agreed. He asked to show me around Paris at that moment which I declined, but then he asked me out on a date for dinner and drinks around the Eiffel Tower later. After we departed, he became a little obsessive with me and it was…interesting to say the least.

I made my way to the Eiffel Tower. I was so excited to just be next to it. It is seriously stunning in real life, I don’t care what anyone says. I was just happy to be there. I took a spot on the grass and just sat there forever in awe, trying to memorize every single second of the moment so I can never forget my time sitting on the ground next to the Eiffel Tower. People were everyone drinking bottles of wine, reading, enjoying charcuterie boards. It was really adorable.

I was feeling pretty sick this day and didn’t have much energy so wanted another coffee to see if it would help as a pick me up. I couldn’t resist the bakery items here and got this raspberry croissant. It was so good it was unreal. The bakery items in Paris are the best I’ve ever had in my entire life and that’s not dramatic.

I walked and walked and walked, just sightseeing and exploring. It was time for me to take a bus home. At the bus station, I met this lady named Boina. She was from Romania but she has been in Paris for over 35 years and has raised her family here. Her husband passed away recently. I felt loneliness from this woman. We got on the bus and sat together. She told me all about her hope to have grandchildren one day but she’s unsure if she will since her daughter is 34 now. She was telling me how she’s traveled all around the entire world because of work and all of her big upcoming plans with work, one in which included Chicago. She was a sweet lady. I enjoyed her company but something tells me she needed mine more. I was so happy to have run into her.

I make it back to my hostel and being sick, I needed a nap. I slept for a little bit and then woke up and had a small dinner at the rooftop restaurant at my hostel. The Eiffel Tower was sparkling and lit up pink this night because of breast cancer awareness month being in October. It was truly incredible and I was so lucky to experience it since this is the only day of the year it would happen. I sat on the rooftop, Facetimed my mom and then Facetimed Chris, all while enjoying the views. Paris is a very romantic city and I really wished he’d been there with me.

The next morning, I head off exploring again. I drank a lot of French coffee, enjoyed a chocolate brioche, and a nice salad. I set off to find Emily Cooper’s apartment from Emily in Paris. It was one of my most favorite shows in the entire world. Like I’m actually obsessed with that show. I had to take two trains to get there and the first one dropped me off in one of, if not the worst area I’ve ever been in in my entire life. As soon as I stepped out of that train station, my spidey senses went through the roof. Men came up to me immediately asking me to buy cigarettes and drugs. I was being cat called on the street. There were almost no other women around. I had to get to the next train station which was a ten minute walk so I told myself I could do it. Under the bridge I had to walk across, there were hundreds of tents lining the bridge and gates. There were men everywhere doing only God knows what. I have become less scared of men during my travels and more angry with them. I have completely perfected me resting bitch face and also when they look at me now, I don’t just keep looking down. I will look directly at them with a daring stare saying, “fuck with me, I actually dare you to.” Even though I actually have no idea what I’d do, but we won’t let them know that.

I made it to the neighborhood where Emily in Paris takes place. I saw her apartment!!! I saw Gabriel’s restaurant!! And the boulangerie they buy their baked goods at!! I stayed forever as I was fangirling so hard. I met other girls who were doing the same so we bonded over it. I met this one girl in particular named Cigdem, she was from Turkey. We ended up chatting and hanging out for a while and made plans to see the Eiffel Tower later so we exchanged contact information.

I stopped at Luxembourg Gardens for the sunset on my way to the Eiffel Tower. It was so beautiful there. I just sat and hung out and enjoyed my views. I then made my way down to the Eiffel Tower. I was a little early to see the sparkle show so I found a nearby spot to have a glass of wine. I had just sat down when I saw these four ladies whom had just sat down as well. I heard them talking about a brandy old fashioned and I knew I was home. I found out quickly they were from Wisconsin and they invited me over to have dinner with them immediately. They introduced themselves as Renee, Carol, Marcia, and Karen. They were all class of ’69 classmates except for Karen. We bonded quickly. I told them all about my travels and I was able to learn things about each of them as well. We chatted for a couple of hours over dinner. We laughed and had the most incredible time together. I didn’t stop smiling the entire time we were together. They were the nicest ladies and I am so thankful I ran into them. They actually ended up paying for my dinner and I was very appreciative of that! I felt like I was home again and it was the best feeling. They’re traveling in Paris for a couple of weeks and they’ve been having a blast since they got here. We exchanged contact information and made plans to meet back up again when I return home so we can catch up! We walked down to the Eiffel Tower together to enjoy the light show and then said our goodbyes. They asked me to text them when I got back to my hostel safely so I did. I miss them already and it was one of the highlights of my trip!

I returned to my hostel safely even though it was scary. Paris is not for women after dark. Even at the Eiffel Tower in the dark, there were military police everywhere walking around with their assault rifles. I didn’t enjoy that. I got back to my hostel and one of the girls came into our room and was pretty shook up. She said a man had followed her from the train station while she was walking, cat calling her and calling her sexy. He was telling her to come back to his home with him and she threatened to him that she was calling the police. Sometimes I think I actually hate men. I packed my bags and went to sleep.

I woke up this morning and got ready to leave. I was heading to Bordeaux, France. I had the worst travel morning. We all got kicked off the bus this morning due to some strike or something. So no buses were running to the train station I needed to get to. I had to walk that entire way in a sketchy neighborhood with all of my bags. Thankfully I left so early. I made it to the station just in time to make my train. Then my train app wasn’t working so they couldn’t scan the tickets I needed. I had some more issues with the trains and technology when I got to Bordeaux but I made it here and I am thankful to be here. It’s really beautiful. I’m really tired and still not feeling well so I’m going to get some rest.

Xo,

Kals