HI strangers. I am still alive, believe it or not. I’d say some moments don’t feel that way, but that would just not be true. I’m in France, backpacking through Europe, and fulfilling a decade long dream. Even with a broken ankle, I still have never felt more alive than I do here, now.

I’ve been in France for three weeks now. 2.5 of them have been in Bordeaux. The issue with staying in France this long has nothing to do with losing time elsewhere, but solely the fact that the more time I spend here living like a local, the less I want to leave. Every day my bond with this country and the people grow stronger and my need to leave lessens. I am actually obsessed with France, specifically Bordeaux. Like I’ve said before, I’ve heard my whole life how rude the French people are and even during my travels up to this point, the other travelers I met warned me about France, saying they do not like toursits, they will not even try to speak English with you, and don’t want you in their country. I was always excited to come to France, but learning all this information from other travelers made me weary.

I will not invalidate their experiences here in France, but it has been the complete opposite for me. I want to cry during so many of the experiences I have here just out of pure grattiude and love for the people of this country. They are so incredibly kind it’s overwhelming. They’re constantly offering to help me, stopping me in the street to wish me good luck healing or ask what happened, helping me go slow down hills with my scooter, going up or down stairs, opening doors for me, carrying things for me, offering to deliver or bring me anything I need. I mean seriously. The amount of strangers who have offered to help me here is heart warming. It’s as if the locals in this country are just in a constant look out for others. I don’t know if it helps that I really try speaking their language or not, but I’ve had nothing but good experiences with the locals.

The life here in France is the life I’ve always wanted to live. Kind people, the walking culture, people are so active always walking, biking, running, ect., they send their children to school every morning without wondering if they’ll be shot and killed, healthcare is free, there’s an incredible work/life balance, and the food is healthy and not full of chemicals and additives designed to kill you slowly. I’ve noticed that since traveling I’ve had this anxiety in big, busy public spaces because in America, I’m always waiting for something bad to happen. My guard is always up there. I’m always waiting for some sort of shooting to go down. This is not normal. These people here would never have to worry about that in a million years. I see kids running off from their parents and playing with other children and the parents sit back and don’t have to hawkeye them. Life here is so much more simple, so much more safe. This is how I feel anyways. I don’t hate America and it’s definitely not the worst country in the world, but I’m having a difficult time wanting to come home after seeing what life is like elsewhere. I open Facebook in the mornings and almost always I see a new news article about a new shooting, people killed, crazy shit Trump is doing or saying. I get so overwhelmed that I can’t even read the articles anymore. It truly breaks my heart to feel this way about my own home.

So yes, I’ve been having this push and pull internal battle about what to do with my life. You know, I came on this journey to fulfill a dream and to truly connect with life and find myself. I have done this plus some. What I didn’t expect would come with that though, is feeling more confused than ever. I’ve realized how unhappy I was with my life in Eau Claire after getting away. I feel like I became so comfortable and complacent with my life there and I want to change that. I’ve completely fallen in love with the European lifestyle and I feel this gravitational pull to France and I could really see life here. I could see being happy here and having a great quality of life here. I don’t know. I’m having a really confusing time currently. The only reason I feel a tug from home is because of my family. Would I really be happier if it meant not being near them? I’d definitely be healthier here. I’d be in less debt. I’d have a better quality of life. But happier? Without seeing my nephews grow up? Without my mom, sister, and brother? I don’t know. I think I’d have a really difficult time missing out and not being close to them since our bond is so tight.

It’s abnormal here to take your coffee to go. You sit in the cafe and you enjoy it. You sit and you enjoy your meals and the waitress/waiter will not stop by your table until you have completely finished your food and drink. You need to call them over if you need something or want your check. They’ll never bring your check without you asking and they’d never approach your table and ask if you’re ready for your check. You can stay as long as you want and it’s this completely unrushed culture. You’re always asked if you’d like desert or a coffee after each meal, which is served in a tiny espresso cup. Life is meant to be lived slowly like this. I love watching the locals get together. I’m always having conversation with the baristas and wait staff and with the locals randomly all day every day. I have a deep love for the people and culture here. My French is getting so much better every single day. I celebrated 1,000 days of learning French while being here! That is crazy.

I want to surround myself with people like me. People who are open minded, who have healthy and active lifestyles, motivations, dreams, and the passion for travel. I absolutely love my friends back home and wouldn’t trade them for the whole world but when I get back to America, I really want to branch out and make some friends who have the same interests as me. I want people to go to yoga with and mountain bike with and hike with and run with and travel with. I’ve realized I’m almost always doing these things alone at home. Until I started making friends traveling who have the same interests as me. It’s so much fun actually enjoying these activities with others and it’s easy to connect through hobbies. A healthy and active lifestyle is really important to me. I feel like when I’m home, I like spending time alone doing things alone. I’m definitely an introverted extrovert. This experience has really taught me that I need to be more social back at home and be open to making new friends and doing things with people more.

Well enough of the emotional thoughts journal entry, what have I been up to since breaking my ankle?

I saw the surgeon a few days ago and it was incredibly stressful. I left half hour early to give myself extra time for any roadblocks in the journey and was still 25 minutes late for my appointment. The journey to get there on the train was an hour. I get to the hospital area and I’m immediately lost. The hospital is massive. Bigger than Mayo Eau Claire. Think Mayo Rochester. There are multiple massive buildings and signs everywhere. My French has gotten better, but I’m definitely not fluent. I didn’t understand some of the signs and couldn’t find anything pointing towards where the orthopedic building would be. I stopped a lady on the sidewalk and asked if she knew where I was supposed to be. She didn’t speak English but my French got me by this time. She was so kind. She walked me all the way into the building where I was supposed to check in and advised me I’d have to grab a ticket to wait in a queue to check into the hospital. I thanked her kindly for her help, found the ticket counter, grabbed a ticket for my consultation, and waited in line. I get up to the desk and no one speaks a word of English. We got by. The lady checking me in thought it was awesome I was born in Florida and said she’s always had a dream to go there and go to the beach since she was a young girl, but never went. I told her it’s not too late and that she should follow her dream and take the trip. She thanked me for that and agreed.

She told me the directions how to get to the orthopedic department so I found the elevator and took it to the 6th floor where I walked until I found where I was supposed to be. I checked in, once again not a single person spoke English. It was just stressful because I didn’t know if I was doing everything right. So imagine you go to Mayo Rochester for an appointment but none of the signs are in English and not a single person working there speaks English to help you figure out where you’re going. That’s where my stress levels were at. I can’t even be upset because I’m in France, I could never expect them to speak my language in their own country. They sent me up the elevator to the next floor to get all brand new x-rays at the radiology department. I got them, came back downstairs with my new photos, and checked back in. It wasn’t long before I got to see the surgeon. He reviewed my photos, told me my ankle was nondisplaced and healing on it’s own. He advised I would not need surgery. I was SO happy and excited. He told me I could have my cast removed on November 13th and wrote me a prescription to take wherever I am for the cast removal. YAY. I am so excited for that day! It’s a bit weird though as I’ve grown a weird emotional attachment to this scooter. I think it’s because she’s given me freedom again. I leave the surgeon and go back down to the main floor so I can pay the bill. I was nervous about how much it was going to cost me. To see an orthopedic surgeon and get all brand new x-rays in the radiology department as a foreigner cost me 33 euros ($38 USD). Without any health insurance. That’s insane. I then took my prescriptions to a pharmacy and got my new meds. $8 for them out of pocket. You’re kidding me. I’ve also been having appointments for twice a week blood tests since I’m on daily blood thinner injections and it’s cost me $15 without health insurance per visit. Can you believe this? I don’t even belong to this country and it’s still way more affordable for me to receive healthcare here vs home. In America, all of the healthcare I’ve received in Europe would’ve costed me thousands of dollars, even with health insurance. I actually can’t believe it.

After the visit, I decided to treat myself to an authentic French meal. It was so good. After seeing the surgeon, I got braver. My pain has also been getting better and better each day. I’m finally out exploring again every day. I’m taking the trains and buses again, which I was pretty nervous for at first because I didn’t know how I’d get on and off them with my scooter. The trains are too easy, there’s no gap, but the buses are a bit more tricky. The buses have a gap between the sidewalk and the platform inside the bus. So I have to get right up to the door of the bus, throw my scooter in, and grab onto the side railings and hop with one foot over the gap and into the bus. Getting off is more tricky. I’ve made it work though.

So I’ve been spending my days taking the trains around town to explore new places, meeting friends at my hostel, spending time with Lola and her sister Paloma, reading a lot, going to parks, spending a lot of time in cafes enjoying coffee and chatting with the locals, and going to the local gym here. I think the gym has been really good for me. I’m still working out my upper body, my right leg, and my left thigh. I will not let this injury slow me down. I want to stay as strong as possible during this recovery so I can get back to doing all the things I want when the cast comes off. I know I’m losing muscle in my ankle and I hate that.

The other day, it was Lola’s mom’s birthday so Lola asked if I’d like to join her shopping for her mom. Of course I agreed. Lola and I stopped for some tea and French canneles along the river here in Bordeaux. The weather is absolutely beautiful every day. Warm and sunny. We then went to Lindt chocolate shop and got some chocolate and met up with Lola’s sister. I love that family. They’re the kindest people in the world. They told them to let me know if I need anything from any stores and they’d pick up whatever for me and even bring it to me. I’m so grateful for them.. I ‘ve absolutely loved spending time with them and getting to know them both. I’m so grateful they’re my friends.

I’ve still been making friends in my hostel. I’m grateful for this hostel as they’ve allowed me to stay here for 2.5 weeks so far and everyone has treated me with such kindness and has helped me immensely. I had a roommate named Maasa and she was incredible. She was 30 and is biking from the Netherlands, all the way to southern Portugal. She’s been on the road for two months already. She decided to make this trip after he long term girlfriend broke up with her. She camps outdoors most nights. She’s only here this hostel because her right hand has completely cramped up and she needed a few days to slow down and recover. She was so much fun and I always enjoyed spending time with her. She’s so brave for going on the journey she’s on.

I waited and waited for days for this coffee shop called “Usagi Coffee” to open. They have bunnies here that are rescued from abusive or neglected homes. All of the bunnies are available for adoption. You can go and buy a drink and pay extra to go in the pen with the bunnies and observe them. You have 1.5 hours for the entire experience. You aren’t allowed to pick them up or chase after them, you have to let them come to you. A few of them came to me and I got to pet them. I just sat there on my scooter and watched them play. It was calming and I was very tempted to stay in France so I could adopt one of them!

I decided to take my first day trip out of the city since breaking my ankle and I went to this adorable little local wine town called Pessac. It was only an hour by train away so I thought it would be pretty doable with my ankle. The town was adorable. I saw outside at a cafe and enjoyed some cafe and a homemade chocolate waffle while I talked to the locals. Everyone was just as kind and welcoming as they are in Bordeaux. I scooted around town just site seeing and then I made my way to Chateau Pape Clement. It’s a castle turned into a winery. The castle was stunning. The grounds were beautiful. It was such a beautiful place. It took me quite a while to get around as there were rocks instead of pavement, so I struggeled here with my scooter.

I also visited the local Sunday market. There were so many vendors everywhere. From local and authentic French cheeses, to homemade breads and bakery items, so much seafood, fruits & veggies, to local drinking wines everywhere. They use the market as an excuse to drink wine at 8 am which I am so here for. I stopped in for a snack and a glass of crisp, cold white wine and chatted for a long time with the owners of the restaurant. Florence was the ladies name and she told me about her childhood and what it took to make her life here in Bordeaux. I had really special conversation with her and it meant a lot to me. The other owner, I am the worst and forgot his name now, but he worked for an American company while still living in France for 25 years so he’s traveled all around America. We talked a lot about all the different places. His favorite place was southern California. I told him that was understandable as that is my favorite place in America as well.

I was sitting downstairs at my hostel the other day, drinking a glass of wine and watching the football game when a man approached me and introduced himself as Jean Claude Pierre. He is from France and just traveling through Bordeaux. He told me he knows one word in English and that word is “yes”. He went up to the counter and bought me another glass of wine even though I denied his offer for it when he asked me. We talked for about an hour and it was good French practice. He showed me photos in his phone from when he visited the US and had photos of the US military in his phone. As he was scrolling through his photo album, he scrolled past 6-7 photos of him nude in a mirror taking full body naked selfies. And then he circled back past them. I saw them not once, but twice. Nice. By the end of our conversation, I told him I had to go call my mom because she was waiting to hear from me. He then told me he liked me and asked for my number. I gave it to him which was a mistake because he has been obsessively texting me since. Before I left, he told me I was really beautiful and he wanted to kiss me which I politely declined. I went to the stairwell after this conversation and tried to Facetime Chris. Another man walks up to the stairwell and I recognized him right away as he was sitting across from Jean Claude and I with his friends watching the football game. He told me I was pretty and that he liked me in French, and asked for my number. I gave it to him and told him I was on a phone call and needed to get back to the conversation so he went back downstairs.

I also met this other man last week from Morocco. His name is Bousalham and he now lives in France. He was staying at my hostel on my floor. Every day he was opening the doors for me and offering to help me carry stuff until one day he worked up enough courage to come take a seat by me. He told me I was really beautiful and asked me to go out into town with him for the day. This was when I was still experiencing a lot of pain in my ankle and uncomfortable with going out to explore, so I told him I wasn’t ready due to my ankle. He told me he’d help me get around but I declined. He asked for my number and I gave it to him. He was kind and always checking in to see how I was doing and asking if I need anything which I really appreciate, but he also became weirdly obssessed with me very quickly. He told me he had feelings for me. I’d run into him upstairs and he’d come kiss both of my cheeks and rub my hair as if I was a sick child. Like the interactions were uncomfortable for me.

He left the hostel finally. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful because he was so kind but I don’t understand these men and their fast fixations. These foreign men are another world. Two nights ago, I got two new roommates. Both French and are working in Bordeaux. So they’ve been at this hostel for two months now. One’s name is MIchael and I forget the other guy’s name because it’s very unique and diffiuclt to pronounce. Michael is very normal and actually very handsome. They are 39 years old. The other guy took an immediate attraction to me and talked to me for a very long time when I was in bed very tired. Michael had to tell him that I was tired and to let me rest. But neither of them speak much English. They are both working here as electricians and are only staying at the hostel until their new apartments in Bordeaux become available in November. So the other French man in my room told me that I have a bright personality and he likes that I have good energy and seem like a very positive person. He then told me he likes me. I told him it wouldn’t work because I’m leaving for Spain soon and I don’t live in France. He said he was heartbroken. He told me if I ever return to France, we could get married and settle down together. We’ve spent the last two nights talking in our dorm room and last night he asked me if he could kiss me. I politely declined and told him I do not know him well enough for that. He then told me he was ashamed for asking me and that he thought I might like him. I just said, “I’m sorry.” He then said, “well, do you like me? Do you feel the same way about me as I feel about you?” I said, “I’m sorry, I think you’re a very nice guy and good person, but I am leaving for Spain soon and I live in another country. It just wouldn’t work between us.”

It’s good to know my scooter and cast haven’t slowed down the men from being completely insane. This morning I had to check out of my room since I booked it so late last night and they had no room left in mine. So I just had to switch rooms today. I had to wake up early and pack up all my belongings. It took me so long to do so. Then it was so heavy. I have to go mail some things back home. It’s not safe to carry all of this with me with one leg and a scooter. I want to go to Barecelona, Spain next. Every day I tell myself, “Tomorrow’s the day. Tomorrow I’ll be ready.” Tomorrow never comes. I’m nervous to leave France. I don’t know how it’s going to be for me trying to get on the trains at the main train station with all of my belongings. I’m just nervous about the change becuase things are so perfect here. I think I will try to go to Barcelona on Wenesday this week though. I’m going to try to be brave and give it a go I think. I will be absolutely heartbroken when I finally do leave France. I am head over heels for this country, truly.

Thanks for being here.

Xo,
Kals